


And Who Are You Supposed To Be, Jimmy Novak?

by Traffie



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Amelia Novak - Freeform, Crazy, Crazy!Dean, Dean Winchester - Freeform, Dean in prison is literally the best, Destiel - Freeform, Destiel Fluff, Fluff, Gen, Jimmy Novak - Freeform, Jimmy has no clue what is happening, M/M, Other, Poor Jimmy, Psychology, Psychotic Breakdowns, SPN - Freeform, Sam Winchester - Freeform, Sort of AU, Subtext, Supernatural - Freeform, Very little Destiel, castiel - Freeform, claire novak - Freeform, insane, its kinda emotional guys, nutcase, psychiatric, psychiatric!castiel, psychiatric!jimmy, what is happening
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-21
Updated: 2016-07-30
Packaged: 2018-07-25 20:27:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 6
Words: 8,779
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7546529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Traffie/pseuds/Traffie
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jimmy Novak did not intend to devote his life to Psychiatry. </p><p>Dean Winchester did not intend to ruin Jimmy's life in the space of two sessions by claiming Jimmy was an angel named Castiel.</p><p>"Do you think, maybe, things will work out?"</p><p>"Not a chance in hell Dean"</p><p>-</p><p>There's no real time table to when I update this story. It's quite often though.</p><p>-</p><p>Destiel is a little all over the place in this story, considering how Dean is not even 100% sure Jimmy is Cas, but yes, Dean does have feelings for Castiel in this.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Novak, The Psychiatrist

**Author's Note:**

> Sorry if my British words irritate you, but it's easy enough to understand.

I watched Dean as he rocked slowly back and forth in his chair, his gaze fixed directly on me. Eye contact was always good in any situation for a patient, as it shows confidence, respect and a willingness for social communication. I couldn't help but to look into those emerald eyes, trying to see what the infamous Dean Winchester was really here for. It was hard to not know who he was, to have a civilised discussion where outside occurrences were not mentioned, as Dean Winchester was known to just about every psychology-enthusiast in the country. 'Doctor McLeod fails to keep heavily paranoid patient under control', 'Mr. Winchester escapes yet again from the newest "demon" therapist', 'Dean Winchester is not to be apprehended due to his wavering mental state - acceptable decision or not?'. The more recent headlines flashed through my head. I still had to take a moment to wrap my head around it. The Dean Winchester was sitting in front of me. Exactly what was wrong with him was a mystery, as all his past therapists and psychiatrists say it's confidential, no exceptions. Personally I think that's just for the suspense in the media, but I was about to find out. 

"Hello" I was surprised to hear my voice go slightly squeaky with excitement and anticipation.

No reply. Dean just sat there, rocking slowly back and forth, those mystery eyes still locked firmly with mine. ADHD, perhaps, would explain the constant rocking, and then SCT being a side diagnosis of the ADHD? Was the eye contact just an act and really he was nervous? Or perhaps he was a mute? Psychical Trauma? I began to sweat and my eyes began to attempt to dodge his. A wry smile crept across Mr. Winchester's face. Of course. He was playing a game with me, trying to see if I deserved my Entrepreneur Of The Year award that I had received several months after I set up my small business that had exploded. Dr Novak's Clinic. A little building in the middle of Pontiac, Illinois. Both my wife and daughter had been very supportive of my goal from the start, ever since I met my wife Amelia in my second year of University. Claire came along five years later, just after I received my PhD. We've lived a happy life since. And then this bastard strolls in to try and destroy my business in a single session. I wasn't going to let him beat me.

"I take it you know who I am, considering how I know who you are, but I'll refresh your memory. I am Doctor Novak, an award-winning Psychiatrist, but you can call me Jimmy. Let's be civil here."

"And who are you supposed to be, Jimmy Novak?" Dean replied, eyes still transfixed on me.

His voice seemed to agitate me, the sly bit of sarcasm in his tone nearly made me growl in anger. I never got this angry.

"What do you mean, Mr. Winchester?" I replied, my voice filled with sunshine and rainbows and an obvious hint of sarcasm, just to return the favour. 

"Look Cas, I'm sick of all this bullshit. Sam said that in this world the only way to get out is 'The Psychiatrist' before he disappeared, but then Crowley turned out to be a fucking shrink and Abaddon turned out to be a fucking shrink, and now you. How is Abbadon even still alive, by the way? I thought I stabbed her with the first blade, isn't that fatal? Cas we need to blow this joint right now and find Sammy, because I don't have a fucking clue where he is" Dean's chair began to rock faster and faster as he spoke.

Oh. So he's not playing with me. He's actually a nutcase. I guess I can put my guard down. I picked up my notepad and pen from the desk next to me, ready to take some notes.

"Mhm... And who is this 'Cas'? You believe I am him?"

Dean's face fell and his eye contact immediately broke. Damn. That was the one thing I was holding onto him with.

"It... He's... He's just Cas. You're just Cas. Please tell me this is a game Cas, a silly game because I swear it ain't funny" Dean slowly looked up at me with big, sad eyes.

Yes! Eye contact restored! I better continue to be this 'Cas' character and find out more. Sure it wasn't usually what I did with my schizophrenic and delusional patients, but this was Dean Winchester. The Dean Winchester who believes I am his ally. I crossed my legs and titled my head to the left.

"...Dean?" I put on a low tone of voice that somehow seemed natural.

Dean's emerald eyes lit up with surprise and happiness.

"Cas? Castiel? Is it really you? Thank God!"

Dean practically jumped out of his chair and hugged me. Quite an odd action for someone who's lashed out at every other psychiatrist he's ever had. Dean took a step back, towering over me. I didn't notice his height prior to this moment, so i shuffled in my chair slightly when I saw his at least 6 foot figure looming over.

"Look Cas, we need to find Sam right now, if he's not dead already. Who knows who could've pulled this kind of stunt, but I'm guessing some weird angel, it wouldn't be the first time. But why have they wiped the memory of everyone else and not you and me? It doesn't make sense"

I blinked. Maybe I had gone too far with the Castiel nonsense. I cleared my throat.

"Mr. Winchester, would you like to tell me more about this... 'Sam' character? Or perhaps more about the angels?" I tapped my pen lightly on the paper.

Dean slammed his fist down on the desk next to me, my cup of coffee shuddering and then spilling all over. I'm glad I picked up my expensive notepad beforehand. I looked up at Dean. He definitely had eye contact with me, though maybe a little too much. His eyes seemed to burn through my very own soul.

"DAMMIT CAS!"

He swept away all the various sheets of paper and my coffee mug onto the floor with a single swipe of his left arm. I heard a crash as my mug broke.

"Excuse me Mr. Winchester, but please, take a seat again" I tried to keep calm and use my best completely calm psychiatrist voice, but there was still a hint of annoyance.

Dean seemed to calm down almost immediately, and his eyes dropped to the floor. He then turned around and slumped out the door.

"Wait! Mr. Winchester! Wouldn't you like to tell me more about Sam? Or Castiel, the angel perhaps?"

Dean stopped in his tracks. He turned around slowly.

"...What did you just say?" His cold eyes seemed to have a glimmer of hope in them.

"Uh..."

"Angel. You said Castiel the angel. I never mentioned Cas was an angel."

Huh. I guess so. Dean came running over and hugged me again, tighter this time. 

"Cas I swear, I'll help you remember, and we'll find Sammy" 

I felt myself relaxing. But now, I was hell-bent on helping Dean and saving 'Sammy' - if he was real. Dean walked out the door, flashing me a quick smile.

"See you next week, Cas"

"See you next session, Mr. Winchester"

I quickly wrote down a scribble along the lines of 'Winchester - sessions on Wednesday. Castiel - angel?? Religious imagery?? Sam - mysterious person Dean needs to find. Childhood trauma?? Real person??' I then closed my Notepad and began to rock slowly in my chair, finding it relaxing. I couldn't wait for Wednesday.


	2. Winchester, The Nutcase

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> From Dean's POV.

I found myself smiling as I walked out of the small clinic. Cas was going to be okay. We were going to get him back. And then we were going to get Sammy back too. I looked like an idiot, grinning shyly as I almost skipped along the pavement. Wait, scratch that, I don't skip. 

I turned off W Moulton onto S West Street, lazily strolling along the sidewalk on the quiet road. A car cruised past as I walked, and I began to feel a sudden need for Baby. Unfortunately, she wasn't here for some bizarre reason. Neither was Sam, and neither was Cas, really. But, they'll be okay. I'll fix them up and we can go back to whatever the hell our lives are. These past few months trying to track down Cas, or pretty much anyone who knew about the life, had been like hell, quite literally. Especially with everyone spewing out bullshit, trying to convince me I'm crazy. Luckily it's nothing compared to Alistair. I could hold on to that. 

I remember thinking at first that perhaps the Jimmy Novak of this world was just Jimmy Novak, Cas' vessel, but after the ordeal with Sam before we were teleported - or rather, I was teleported, I realised that Jimmy being a psychiatrist in this world couldn't be a coincidence. This was Cas. Cas was my way out. Surely if this was the real Jimmy, he would be dead, right? But that wouldn't explain Abbadon or Amelia Novak. Crap, I have to keep believing this for any hope of escaping. I have to. 

It may have been slightly creepy of me to spy on Jimmy and his family for an entire week before booking an appointment, but just seeing that Claire was okay and happy with her family was enough. She still had a ton of makeup and a bullshit teenage attitude, but she seemed happier, better than real world Claire. 

I turned off S West onto the busier road, W Reynolds Street. I licked my lips as I passed a KFC. Damn I was hungry. This was usually the point where Sam would roll his eyes and force me to at least have the healthier option, but he wasn't here. Neither was anyone. 

I chuckled as I strolled out of KFC, clutching my 'bag of crap' as Sam would call it. I took a sip of my milkshake, and continued my stroll. I was still grinning like an idiot, despite everything, despite Sam's odd last message. I remember it clearly.

\- 

I flicked my magazine shut as Sam ran down the stairs of the bunker. I swivelled round on the desk chair we recently bought to face him. Sam had said that buying the chair was a bad idea, as we could save up for something useful, though he didn't specify what. He always was the annoying mother type. I accidentally ended up spinning around a few more times, and it was oddly relaxing, so I continued to push my heel against the table leg as I spun to gain more speed. Sam grabbed onto my chair, stopping me mid-spin.

"DEAN YOU HAVE TO LISTEN TO ME." Sam yelled as I rubbed my dizzied eyes.

"Sammy, you have my full attention at all times. But Jesus, tone down on the yelling!"

Sam gave me his best bitch face before snapping back into reality.

"Dean, you're gonna disappear in a moment and you have to listen. It's another world, and The Psychiatrist is the only way out. You hear? The Psychiatrist is the only way out"

I laughed and tried to make a witty remark but suddenly I fell over. The chair beneath me had gone. The table had gone. The bunker had gone. And Sam had gone. I was out in some field that I didn't recognise, and I was utterly confused. But I had to find The Psychiatrist if I wanted to get out. Whatever the hell that means. 

\- 

I approached the railway, and I tossed my milkshake onto the grass. Any signs of a walkable path had gone and I was practically on the road, but I was nearly at the motel. It was cheap enough, but I missed the bunker, despite how usual motels are for us. I was about to cross the railway when I saw the familiar glow of train headlights. It was nearly dusk now. The wind whistled through my hair and I felt a hand on my back.

I turned around. It was Sammy. I practically gasped with joy. He gave me a smile. But, it wasn't right. It wasn't the smile he gave me when he saw my face when I unwrapped the amulet. It wasn't the smile he gave me when he pushed me onto the dorm's floor in Stanford. It wasn't the smile he gave me when the clock hit twelve that fateful night when the hellhounds came. It wasn't his smile. It was then he pushed me onto the track. I could hardly hear the sound of the train horn over not-Sam's smile. The sheer amount of sounds and emotions caused me to close my eyes. I expected to black out. 

But I didn't. 

I opened my eyes slowly to see the familiar blonde plait dangling over my face. 

"WHAT THE HELL WERE YOU DOING, DUMBASS? WERE YOU TRYING TO KILL YOURSELF? Damn, I've got to call my Dad. If you're suicidal, he's a psychiatrist, he can help you. Oh no, are you hurt? I better call the police too. WHAT THE HELL?"

Claire. It was Claire. Of all people that I didn't want to get involved with. It took a week for me to just build up the courage to drag Jimmy - or Cas, rather - into this.

"I- He- Someone pushed me" I stuttered out, the situation still feeling very surreal.

Claire didn't seem too happy with my answer.

"OH REALLY? I DONT SEE MANY PEOPLE ROUND HERE! YOU'RE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HAVE HAD ME HERE TO SAVE YOU!"

Sure enough, nobody was around. The train had gotten a significant distance away by now, and the remains of my KFC were splattered on the tracks, covered in gravel. Damn, there goes my dinner.

"ARE YOU EVEN FUCKING LISTENING TO ME? Oh God, I need to call the police. And my Dad. Right now."

Claire grabbed her phone out of her pocket, typing the passcode quickly. I stretched out my hand to grab the phone and snatched it away quickly.

"What the- HEY!"

"No police, no psychiatrist, Miley Cyrus" I sneered.

"Bite me, Hasselhoff" She snapped back.

Deja Vu flooded over me and I realised what I was doing. I couldn't let this Claire get into my life. 

"You can have your phone back if you promise not to tell anyone about this"

"Only if you don't try something like this again"

I growled at her for a second, before standing up and dusting the dirt off me.

"Oh, my name is Claire Novak by the way"

"Harry Close. Nice to meet you Claire. If that's it, I'll be on my way"

I turned and began to walk down the road to the motel. Claire threw her arms up in surprise.

"Hey, I'm not the one who just threw themselves in front of a train."

I chuckled, trying to forget not-Sam as I walked. Instead, I felt thoughts that I hadn't thought since I arrived in this world. How did Sam know I was going to disappear? Is this world real? Is my world real?

I stopped in my tracks as the last one crossed my mind.

No.

It was real.

And I was going to get home to is-Sam and Cas and everyone else I had left. If it was the last thing I do. 

The neon sign of the motel was very old and half the letters were not lit up.

F E A MO E

The sign seemed homey for some reason, despite the lack of letters. I entered into the reception.

"Welcome to the Fiesta Motel! Would you like to book a room?" A cheery receptionist sat at her desk turned to me.

If it was any other situation, I would've flirted with her. But I was too tired and too bothered by Not-Sam. If Not-Sam was not Sam, then who was he?

"No thanks, I already have a room" I said sighing.

The receptionist smiled and went back to typing away at her computer. I dragged myself up the motel stairs. I fumbled for my key. Luckily, it hadn't gotten destroyed with my dinner and was safely in my pocket. It took me a few tries but through blurry eyes I finally got the key through the hole. I opened the door and closed it just and quickly before flopping onto the bed.

I found my eyes slowly beginning to shut. But now, I was hell-bent on getting Cas back to normal and stopping Not-Sam - no matter what.


	3. Novak, The Entrepreneur

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Back to Jimmy's POV. Two days two chapters, not bad!

I glanced at my watch. Mr. Winchester was late. I didn't specify the time last week due to my excitement of having a weekly Dean Winchester, but I presumed he'd come around the same time, 6:30pm. But here I was, 6:45, and there was no Dean Winchester in sight. Since our first session, I had began to rock my chair a lot more during my appointments. This made my long-term patients give me odd looks, but it was nice. Relaxing, even. Until you gain enough momentum to possibly fling yourself halfway across the room with anticipation.

I heard the clang of the dangling door decoration, then a shout, then a thud. Me and Amelia had bought it just the other day. I had argued against getting a decoration that dropped so low as just about anyone could walk into it and fall, but Amelia said it made the place look homey and not like a death trap. I'll have to tell her about this one. 

My little clinic was very small, since there was only a reception, a bathroom and my office. But I didn't need anything more, it was nice.

I heard Marie helping the victim to their feet. She was my receptionist, assistant and secretary. I had gotten more than enough job request slips after I received my award, but Marie was more than enough. I really didn't need - or want - anyone else. She isn't too highly qualified and she is quite young, but it was the least I could do as I am friends with her family. Her and Claire were quite good friends, despite the fact Marie was a few years older.

I heard a muffled 'are you okay?' from the reception, and I decided to slow down my rocking for whoever this was. I hope it's Dean, more than anything.

Sure enough, the scruffy-haired national phenomenon entered my office door. His hair was scruffier than usual.

"Did you have some trouble with the door?" I grinned at him, my rocking now completely stopped.

"Oh, just some punk decided to make getting in even harder than usual" He grinned back, his eyes linked with mine. He seemed to be in a better mood this week.

Dean sat in his usual chair. I had a variety of chairs spread across the room, mine being a simple armchair - that was kind of hard to rock in, might I add - and Dean's being a spinning desk chair. This may have only been Dean's second session, but he seemed to have taken a liking to the chair. Call me selfish, but I had begun to put that chair away for every other session apart from Dean's. Maybe I'm relishing in the fact Dean Winchester is my patient too much.

"So Dean, how has your week been? That is, if you mind me calling you Dean"

Dean laughed. 

"That's fine Cas, really"

I had nearly forgotten about his Castiel obsession. I had done some research on the existence of an angel named Castiel, but the only possible lead I found was an archangel named Cassiel, but that could be someone else entirely to Dean.

"As for my week, it hasn't been all too eventful" Dean replied, trying to keep up the cheery tone.

His sudden strenuous voice and slowly drifting eyes made me see through his lies. Whatever happened this week, he doesn't want to talk about it. Also, I doubt that Dean usually says 'highly eventful' in any situation.

"Mhmm..," I murmured, getting my notebook and pen from beside me, "So, is there anything you'd like to share or say before we get started?"

Dean seemed to ponder for a moment, before replying.

"Yes. Every time you ask me a question, I get to ask you one too if I deem it fit"

I pursed my lips. I hope this doesn't get too personal. I had to try, either way.

"Okay then. I will begin. How long have you known Castiel and Sam for?"

"Sam, all my life. He's my little brother. He's always been there for me and I've always been there for him. Cas, I've known him for eight years or so now" Dean seemed content answering me.

I scribbled down some notes. So, he's known Cas for quite a while, but nothing to the amount he's known Sam for.

"Hmm... So now Dean, wha-" Dean wiggled his finger at me while I was mid sentence.

"Ah ah ah, Jimmy, it's my turn" Dean smirked.

I sarcastically smiled back, allowing him to continue.

"How did you know Cas was an angel? I never said he was" Dean seemed desperate to convince me that I knew something about Cas.

I shrugged my shoulders.

"I don't know Dean. Coincidence, maybe? What do you think it was?" I smirked back. I was winning this back-and-forth.

Dean growled at me. "I think it was you remembering through dimensions. Somehow real-world Cas got to you"

I threw my hands up in the air. "Hey, I'm not the one who everyone thinks is crazy"

Wow. I never treat my patients like this. What's gotten into me?

"Must be a family thing..." Dean muttered under his breath.

"What?"

"Cas, it's my turn, remember? You'll have to wait"

I sank back into my chair. I didn't hugely enjoy this game. I'm used to being in control. Wow, I sound like a child. What's getting into me lately?

"What's the first thing that comes to mind when I say the name Sam Winchester?"

I paused for a moment.

"Chicken" 

Wow, I must be hungry.

Dean gave me a puzzled look. "Chicken?"

"You're forgetting it's MY turn, Mr. Winchester"

"Fuck you Jimmy"

I chuckled. I hadn't had fun like this in a session since - well, ever. Me and Dean continued this back and forth of vague answers for a while, until Marie came running through the door.

"MR. NOVAK!" Marie yelled, shocking both me and Dean.

"Marie, calm down, what's wrong?" I leant forward in my chair.

"Hey Marie" Dean winked at her, causing her to flush.

That's why he's in such a good mood. Marie ignored Dean's remark despite her pink face and looked at me again.

"Some men from the council are here for you. They say it's urgent"

I glanced at my watch once again.

"There are five minutes of the session left, can't it wait?"

Marie looked at Dean, then at me, then at Dean again. 

"It's regarding Mr. Winchester"

Dean seemed to shift in his chair when he heard his name, evidently nervous and confused. I headed out of the office, not looking at Dean. 

Whatever this was, it couldn't be good.


	4. Winchester, The Runaway

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This one's a little bit shorter, but I should have chapter 5 up tomorrow.

I sat in my chair, waiting for Jimmy to return. What did the council have to say about me? Were they finally sick of my outbursts? Was I under arrest? I felt my head swirling with questions and worry. I could hear Jimmy's voice through the wall, as well as two other male voices. Unfortunately, I couldn't quite make out what they were saying. Damn. I needed to hear this. 

There was a window in Jimmy's office leading to the small patch of lawn and then out onto the road. The window wasn't huge, but it was big enough for me to fit through if I needed to. But first, I needed to check it was worth leaving for. 

I stood up, checking my surroundings out of habit, before slowly walking to the door that lead to the reception. I opened the door just an inch, just big enough for me to see Jimmy and a tuft of blond hair from one of the council men. Just enough for me to hear what was going on.

"... Winchester. We need to see him now. You understand that homicide is a federal offence, Mr. Novak?" An older man's voice said.

"Yes" Jimmy's answer was short and wavering.

"And you understand we need to report this menace to the Police, correct?" This was the blond one this time.

"Yes... I just, I don't believe it..." 

"We have tapes and eye-witness accounts, plus a police report. Feel free to look at them once we apprehend him." The blond replied.

I fell through the door in surprise. Nobody noticed. There sat Marie at the desk, who had been pretending to be looking at a magazine while listening in. She turned her gaze to me slowly, eyes widening in shock that I was here. She seemed evidently afraid that I was apparently a murderer too. Cas was talking to two guys up front. I realised who they were immediately.

"Lucifer... Metatron... DAMMIT" I stumbled up onto my feet and ran back into the room. I shut the door quickly, seeing Lucifer had seen me and ran after me. I looked on the door for a lock. WHAT SORT OF PSYCHIATRIST HAS A DOOR WITHOUT A LOCK?!? I grabbed my chair and propped it up against the door, knowing that wouldn't hold them.

Dammit.

I hadn't killed anyone! At least not in this world. Now what does Cas think of me? I need to get out.

I attempted to open the window. It was fucking locked. Of course it was fucking locked. I fumbled around for a key, knocking over pretty much everything. I ran to the door again, trying to get the chair in a more jamming position.

This wasn't going to work. This wasn't a movie. Lucifer would break in soon enough and I'd be stood here looking around for the fucking key like an idiot. 

Last resort.

I grabbed Jimmy's coffee table and threw it at the window. The coffee table just fell back and hit me in the shoulder. 

Fucking hell, I was going to go to jail.

I couldn't go to jail.

Metatron was either trying to barge the door down with Lucifer or calling the police. Was Cas helping them? Had I lost my only friend in this world? And if I escaped, was I ever going to see Cas again?

Dammit. This wasn't Cas. This was Jimmy Novak from Pontiac Illinois. Jimmy Novak is not Castiel.

And I am alone.

I truly don't have anyone, do I?

I laughed quietly to myself. I was good as done for. I couldn't even find a bloody -

Key.

If anyone has the key, it will be Jimmy. If it's not in his office, he must have it with him. I heard more banging at the door. 

If Jimmy has the key, it is all down to whether he trusts me or not.

"JIMMY!" I yelled.

The banging on the door seemed to slow down, though it didn't stop. Jimmy had stopped trying to get the door down.

Jimmy was going to talk to me.

"MR. WINCHESTER, YOU NEED TO COME OUT RIGHT NOW BEFORE WE CALL THE POLICE"

Well, he wasn't going to talk to me nicely, apparently.

"Come on Jimmy, listen to me. You don't really believe I'm a murderer do you? I know it and you know it. I swear I have never killed anyone and I don't know what's happening. Cas, if you've ever trusted me, please, give me the window key" I found my voice catching when I called him Cas. Turns out deep down I still believe that's who he is.

There was a pause. A few seconds of silence, only accompanied by Lucifer's banging at the door. 

"I'm not going to help a nutcase like you. Not one that's committed murder"

My heart fell in my chest. I wanted to just curl up and wait for the inevitable. 

But then, Jimmy Novak realised who he was supposed to be.

My friend.

I saw a key just by the door. It had obviously just been kicked under. The whole thing was just an act to fool Lucifer and Metatron. Why were those two idiots working together anyway?

But now, I had hope.

Now, I could escape.

I grabbed the key and ran to the window, unlocking it quickly. I practically fell through, but I didn't care. I was free. For now. I ran in the opposite direction of my motel, knowing that if the police were coming it would be from the main road in the opposite direction. The motel would soon be informed that they had a criminal as their guest anyway. 

I had nothing but the clothes on my back. There's no way I could ask for help from Jimmy, not after everything he's done already. I just would have to get by on my own for a while.

Damn did I miss my own world.


	5. Novak, The Lonely Man

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters in a day, not bad.

After Dean ran, time seemed to stop. I told the authorities that I had left the window key in the office and he couldn't find it until the last minute, rather than the version where I gave it to him. Helping an escaped convict is a federal crime after all.

The evidence was all there. Jensen Ackles. Age 38. Actor. Dean Winchester was his character on a cancelled tv show that didn't even get past its first episode. Dean - well, Jensen - had a breakdown because of it and attempted to kill the cast and crew out of anger. 10 injured, 7 of them severely. 2 dead. Jensen had a life sentence, but he supposedly committed suicide a year and a half ago. The only reason the authorities took so long to realise that this Dean Winchester was Jensen Ackles was because of how real the suicide seemed. Apparently he managed to pry open the bars of his cell slightly, then he stuck his head through and snapped his own neck by twisting his head quickly.

But I still wouldn't believe it.

This was Dean Winchester, not Jensen Ackles. 

This was my friend.

Dammit I'd only known the guy personally for a week and I was already saying he was my best buddy? There's something wrong with me.

I haven't left my bed in 2 days, apart from when I go to the bathroom. Amelia has to bring me food and I hate that she has to do this but I just can't.

I just need Jensen to be dead.

I just need Dean to be okay.

I just need to know what I want.

I stared at the ceiling. There was no time on the ceiling, just like me, asides from the dancing shadows. The ceiling was nice. It was what it was supposed to be, a ceiling, it wasn't some psychiatrist helping an escaped convict who is guilty of murder.

I'm a criminal.

I'm a fucking criminal.

I shifted in my bed. I didn't like the ceiling anymore. It was too good at being what it was supposed to be. 

I should get up. I should get up and take myself straight to the police station. I'm a criminal.

And it's all Dean Winchester's fault.

I don't even know what to call the guy anymore. Dean. Jensen. Murderer. Victim. My patient. The guy who ruined my life. I don't think it really matters anymore, considering how I'll probably never see him again.

But what if Jensen Ackles is real? What if he was playing me this entire time? What if he's sitting in The Bahamas or who knows where by now with wads of stolen cash laughing to himself because he played me? Because am an idiot who has to presume that everyone is a Dean Winchester and not a Jensen Ackles.

I had talked to the guy for, 2 hours? The 2 sessions? And now I'm acting as if my best friend has betrayed me.

As I turned over once more, an insane thought crossed my head.

What if Dean is right?

What if I am Castiel, an angel?

What if me presuming that Cas was an angel was actually my own knowledge?

Damn I really am going insane.

I need to see Dean.

I can't do this.

I need to believe that if just for a second that guy was Dean and not Jensen. I need to believe that I am who I'm meant to be.

But after Dean, I don't know.

I don't know who I am or who I'm supposed to be.

And God that's killing me.

\- 

Time never did move after that. Never again. I got out of bed eventually, I started to exist again eventually. I even got back to my job, started looking after my family.

But time still hasn't moved and I need it to.

It felt like... It felt like you are slowly falling in the ocean, and you're just waiting for that breath of air but there's nothing. You don't drown. Nothing happens. You don't need to breathe but you have to for things ever to be normal again.

All of this over a fucking patient I saw twice, I can't believe it. I needed to get over him.

Didn't help it was all over the papers still.

JENSEN ACKLES STILL ON THE LOOSE

THE NATIONAL PHENOMENON TURNS OUT TO BE A NATIONAL THREAT - CALL AUTHORITIES IF JENSEN ACKLES IS SEEN

Dean hadn't killed anyone, luckily. I was the only one still calling him Dean and it irritated me. He hadn't done anything so he was still Dean so everyone should call him that. Maybe I'm the one who needs to change what I call him. I sat at the dinner table, twiddling my thumbs. I had begun to come down for meals since - well, I don't know. I don't know how long ago Dean left. It just happened and then nothing else did. 

Amelia's dinner did look lovely though. It was a nice Sunday roast. At least I think it is Sunday.

"Any new patients darling?" Amelia said from the other end of the table.

I shook my head. No new patients since the conspiracy theorists started their 'Ackles and Novak - secret lovers?' Blog, collecting up evidence and lies that 'proved' Jensen was my fiancé and I went out to see him once a week in the woods. It didn't attract many new patients when I seemed like a nutcase myself. Not far off from the truth though.

I swear I've seen at least 5 groups of people go searching round the woods for Jensen since he ran. Just to prove the blog right. It's ridiculous. I don't care about him anymore and neither should they.

"Oh..." I heard Claire, who was sat reading the newspaper. 

"What's the matter Claire?" I said, genuine concern in my voice.

"Remember that guy who I said threw himself in front of a train?"

I nodded slowly. I was still mad that she didn't call me while she was with the guy, but what can you do? He's probably dead by now, knowing suicide cases.

I really had gone cold.

"Well... Turns out that he's Jensen Ackles. I didn't know what Jensen looked like until now..." She said, turning round the paper to show me the PUBLIC MENACE ACKLES article, accompanied with a photo of him.

Wow.

Dean threw himself under a train? No no, Jensen.

"I just can't believe that Harry is a criminal..." Claire still seemed dazed with it all.

Nono, not Jensen, Harry. That's right. Wait who the fuck was Harry?!?

"Come on darling, Jensen is old news. Your father and I don't want to hear about it anymore, okay? The sooner the town stops talking about this the better our lives will be"

Nono, Jensen. That's right. Dean. Jensen. Whoever the fuck Harry was.

"CAN WE ALL JUST STOP TALKING ABOUT DEAN FOR ONE FUCKING MINUTE FOR FUCK'S SAKE" I yelled. 

I did not expect that.

I ran out of the door because apparently I was now a hormonal teenage girl who just needed to run away and cry. I ran to the woods.

They said Dean would be here.

"DEAN!" I cried, hoping for some form of answer.

I was only greeted with the timeless silence of the forest.

I fell to my knees and I cried. I cried until I had no more tears and I yelled until my throat was sore.

But there was nothing but the timeless silence.

\- one year later... -

I yawned as I sat up in bed. Amelia was lying next to me, her legs entangled in the sheets. She always seemed to hog the duvet. I kissed her cheek before rolling out of bed.

Today was my birthday.

I grinned like an idiot. No guy should be so excited to be 43, but damn I was. 

Today was going to be a good day.

I heard a murmured 'happy birthday' from Amelia before she seemed to be dragged back into sleep. I never was one for sleeping in. I went into the kitchen and made some coffee. Claire had always loved coffee, so I made her a cup too for when she woke up and went to work. She was working at a hair salon called Fallen Angels. She really wants to buy an apartment seeing how she was nearly 20, so she's been saving up for eons.

But today was my birthday.

I gave a little laugh, realising this fact yet again. Claire stumbled into the kitchen, rubbing her eyes and grabbing the coffee greedily.

"What's gotten you in such a good mood Dad?" She said, downing the coffee in an instant. I always wondered how she never burnt her tongue.

"It's my birthday!" I said smiling.

She grinned. "Yeah, and you're middle aged, you're not 12"

I shrugged my shoulders nonchalantly before heading to take a shower. I only had 3 appointments booked for today, so it should be nice to get off work early.

I showered, smiling like an idiot all the while. This was great. This was going to be the perfect day. I was going to take Amelia and Claire out for dinner and then we were going to watch my favourite movie. Plus Amelia and Claire had hinted they had bought something big for me so I was excited for that too.

I love surprises.

I got out of the shower, drying myself quickly. I wrapped a towel round me and walked to the bedroom with a little spring in my step. I got changed and noticed Amelia was no longer in the bed, I looked around the room but she wasn't there. I stepped out into the hall. I felt hands covering my eyes and a little giggle. What was she up to now? Amelia directed me to who-knows-where, and I nearly stumbled a few times. She dropped her hands to reveal Claire standing next to a car. It was a very nice car.

"It's a very nice car. What's it doing here?" I asked, turning to Amelia. I hoped she wasn't asking me to fix it for one of the neighbours or something.

Amelia just smiled.

"It's a 78 Lincoln Continental Mark V, and it's yours" Claire grinned.

I gasped.

This car? Was mine?

"Really?" 

"Calm down Darling, you're acting like a four year old on Christmas Day!" Amelia's eyes crinkled with her smile.

I hugged her. Claire joined in too. I was so happy. 

"So... I need to get to work... If only I had a nicer car than my crappy old one to drive there with..." I slyly said.

Amelia broke from the hug and dangled the key in front of me. I grabbed it from her and practically danced to the car.

"Have a nice day Darling!" She and Claire waved at me as I pulled out of the drive. The gear changing was harder than usual but everything else about the car was perfect.

"You too!" I said, out on the road now.

After waving goodbye I began to enjoy the car. It was such a nice car, really. I arrived at work, making sure to park as close to the clinic as possible. I saw Marie carrying in a new load of Dopamine that had just arrived. She gawked at my car as I stepped out.

"Nice car"

"It's my birthday"

She smiled before opening the door for me politely, despite the fact she was carrying an entire boxful of drugs. She placed them behind the counter and brushed her hands on her skirt, smiling at ready to start the day. She truly enjoyed her job and as did I. 

"You're awfully happy despite you-know-what happening" She said, "I'm glad you've moved on."

I looked at her.

"What do you mean?"

"Oh, haven't you heard? I best not say..." She dropped her head.

"No, please, tell me" I was getting slightly worried now.

"Jensen Ackles has finally been apprehended"

It was at that moment I was drawn back into the real world.

Damn did I miss my old world.


	6. Winchester, The Criminal

I stared at Benny the entire journey. The only thing stopping me from punch him in the face was these damn handcuffs and the guards with guns that sat either side of us. Just the fact we had to go to court was ridiculous. I was an escaped convict, apparently, who needs to finish his life sentence. Benny had done his fair share of bad things too. He was like a modern day pirate the way he stole off people and killed them if necessary. Pretty similar to real world Benny. It was entirely his fault we got caught. He shouldn't have stayed behind in the store to get that damn necklace. I shouldn't have stayed with him. I shouldn't have even joined him on his escapade to steal everything and anything. Dotting around the county was fun, but to a certain extent.

"Hey brother, sorry 'bout this. You know it's not m-"

"No. I have the right to remain silent and not answer any questions" 

Even though it wasn't a question, it felt good to recite some of the Miranda Rights to Benny. He needed order anyway. Though he didn't have fangs in this world, he was really a vampire in all sense of the word the way he leeched on people's knowledge and possessions.

The guards remained silent, and so did Benny, luckily. Though he was my friend in my world, he certainly wasn't anymore in this one.

\- 

I ran like all hell until I couldn't breathe. Goddamn Lucifer. Goddamn Metatron. Goddamn ridiculous world. I was not a criminal! Far from it. I had made a big thing of being nice to everyone in this world! Especially considering how monsters apparently no longer existed. At least not in this world.

I couldn't even process where I was. I had to sit down. I stumbled over to the grass, practically falling on it as I sat down. I was on an empty road that lead to who knows where, and I was sitting on some grass. I spotted a small Gas 'N' Sip about a quarter of a mile ahead, but I needed to rest. Take my time.

It wasn't as if the whole government was after me. I hope.

\- 

My attorney was a bald Asian man who seemed to hate me. And I mean really hate me. He just stood there, staring at me angrily as I sat handcuffed to the table.

This whole attorney business was pointless. I was going to jail either way for a life sentence. I could practically hear the 'guilty!' and the slam of the court hammer as the judge condemned me to a lifetime of eating shitty food and not being allowed to go anywhere.

Great.

Benny had got his own attorney who, to my surprise, seemed to be Ruby, Sam's old demon girlfriend. I didn't know her in this world but perhaps she was more like the Ruby of the other world, the tv show one. Perhaps in another life like that one those two could be married.

Maybe this was this life. Maybe Sam really was in this world.

I cursed under my breath that I hadn't looked for a ring on Ruby's finger. Asian bald dude heard me, his eyebrows furrowing.

"SO" He exclaimed loudly, throwing 2 tonnes of files onto the table. It made me jump. "Jensen Ackles..."

The named sounded vaguely familiar. "I'm sorry who?"

"You"

"Yes this is me, hello, but who is Jensen Ackles?"

"You" He repeated, somehow more irritated than earlier.

Ah. I remember. This must be the version of me in this world. The soap opera star version of me. How did I ever forget. But then why did Benny and everyone exist? Shouldn't they be actors in the show? 

Baldie didn't speak. I realised he was waiting for me to answer after his eyebrows seemingly furrowed further. Not long until they go vertical and slip off his face entirely.

"Ah yes, me"

Probably not the best answer I could've given. Baldie seemed to not approve of my egoistical remark.

"Are you making fun of me?"

"No, sir"

"Okay then. My name is Timothy Zhou. I will be your attorney today."

I snorted as a witty remark entered my head.

"I see why. I guess they went through the alphabet in reverse this time for someone who was available to look after a psychopath like me. Bad luck man. For once it's not too great to have a name ending in Z. Or did they spot you out from a crowd with your glistening head?"

Baldie did not like that. I swear he looked as if he was about to kill me. The only thing stopping him was the fact he was supposed to be my calm and collected attorney. He was hella living up to that so far. Balding opened one of the files up.

"So... Jensen Ackles. thirty-nine years old. Wanted for the severe injury of seven and the murder of two. Victims listed here. Daniel Weston..." He flicked the page. "Rachel Harrie... James Taman... Jared Padalecki..."

"Wait wait. Stop. Jared Padalecki?"

"Yes. He played your brother in the cancelled TV show... Extraterrestrial, was it?"

"Supernatural" My voice wavered with concern. What did Sam's counterpart have to do with this?

"Supernatural. Yes, that was it. Jared Padalecki... Aged 23 when killed by you... Why do you ask?"

My heart skipped a beat.

Sam wasn't in this world.

Because I killed him.

\- 

I threw myself into the driver's seat and hot wired the car quickly. It was the third in the past two days. I had been keeping a tally chart for how long I had been on the road for. 4 days so far. It wasn't going too well. 

In was currently in Middletown, Ohio. It was only a four and a half hour drive from Pontiac, but it takes 4 days when you have to ditch a car every time you see a cop. I heard yelling from behind me. I had to get out of here. Fast. I slammed on the pedal as the previous owner of the car was left in the dust. I grinned. This was kind of fun. It was almost like being a hunter again.

But not quite. I didn't know how I was going to get back to Cas when I still had the cops on my ass. Maybe I'd have to fake my death or something.

I still had no clue why I was a wanted murderer.

Frankly, I don't really care. All that matters is that I've been framed or this was this world's Dean.

I was too enveloped in my thoughts to see the man crossing the road as I slammed straight into him.

\- 

I didn't speak to Timothy for the rest of the time. I didn't care what was going to happen.

This world me had killed Sammy.

That was unforgivable.

It wasn't long until I was in the court. I didn't listen to that either. 

I pleaded myself guilty. My defence team that was composed of an upbeat lawyer and Timothy seemed to not hugely care about defending me.

I didn't care either. Not about going to jail, not about loosing Cas, I just didn't care.

All I cared about was the fact that I killed my own brother.

What had lead me to do it? To kill Sam? When I get back to the real world will Sam still be there?

Too many questions, not enough answers. 

I didn't flinch when the Judge found my guilty. I didn't cry like half of the over snivelling wrecks on the prison bus.

I sat and I dealt with it.

Because I deserved it.

\- 

I sat in the hospital, biting my nails. I never bit my nails. I was just nervous. Nervous that someone would recognise me, nervous that the guy I ran over would be dead, nervous that Jimmy would for some reason be in this hospital and take back everything he said to - well, did for - me. 

A nurse passed me, smiling. I smiled back nervously. Was she acting? Was she going to call the cops because she recognised me? I bit my nails. I hated hospitals and waiting rooms. The two really go hand in hand. 

An old lady who was sitting next to me grabbed my arm gently. I lowered my fingers from my mouth.

"Don't worry. They'll be okay, whoever they are. My husband is having chemo for his bladder cancer, and I have no doubt in my mind he'll come out of there fine. So should you"

The old lady's calmness caused me to relax, despite the fact I wasn't nervous about just the guy. I mean, I didn't even know his name. I didn't even really see his face. I just parked the car and called for an ambulance. I obviously hid when the ambulance arrived and turned up at the hospital later, to avoid anyone suspecting me or the police seeing me. Poor guy. Nobody had showed up for him. No family, no friends. Looks like he was alone like me.

Goddammit, Dean, you can't think of joining up with this guy, whoever he is.

The nurse who smiled at me walked back over.

"Hey, your friend is awake. He's okay"

"Oh, I don't know him, I just-" I realised if I claimed to be the one who ran him over, The Police were going to show up. I couldn't let that happen. "- saw him when the car did a hit and run on him"

"Oh, okay. Would you like to see him?"

I nodded. The nurse took my hand and led me through a corridor full of doors. We stopped abruptly and she opened a door on the left. 

My want to join this guy was well directed.

Because this guy was Benny.

\- 

By my third week at Lee Penitentiary, I was known as Steamboat Dean. There was no huge meaning behind it, except for the fact I was very quiet and one day a fellow inmate died and we all looked at his photos of boats he had ridden on, and I had to explain to the crowd of people gathered round what a steamboat was. It was apparently the most the others had ever heard me speak. I personally didn't register that I didn't speak much.

I just minded my own business. 

I could handle myself.

Benny had hardly talked to me too. I still held a grudge against him for getting us caught, even though I didn't really care anymore. Sam was dead in this world and that was all that mattered. I had failed what Dad had assigned me to do. Watch out for Sammy and this, watch out for Sammy and that, and I had failed. With flying colours. 

I cried myself to sleep for the first night. I cried silently though. My cellmate was a tech obsessed kid who was serving for hacking into US files. He was scared of me at first, so I certainly did not want him to see or hear me crying. He's settled down now. I don't know why I was surprised he was scared of me at first.

It's completely natural to be afraid of a murderer.


End file.
